Alone I Break x Find your friend x
by Kaiikon
Summary: One shot. It shows Kai in the different than usually light, so please don't flame! Slightly dark & dim. (I added few things to the ending of story.)


****One shot. It shows Kai in the different than usually light, so please don't flame! Slightly dark & dim.****  
  
Alone I Break  
  
Lyrics from 'Alone I Break' by KoRn.  
  
A boy with fairy red hair and turquoise eyes was racing through the streets, which were beginning to empty. He didn't pay any attention to curiosity looks of passers-by and to snow, which started to fall. He was too worried and disturbed for that. After crossing empty road he headed to the Gorky Park. But he didn't start to look around. He knew that the person he was looking for wouldn't be here. This place was always crowded, even at so late time.  
  
The boy went past some footpaths, which ware flooded and froze over to allow children ice skate around the park, and made his way towards opposite gate. Then he stopped for a while. He considered where he should go: left - to the Strastnoy Boulevard or right - to the Tverskoy Boulevard. After a moment of hesitation he chose the second option. He had a hunch that his friend will be there. The train of thoughts and concerns was running through his mind.  
  
At least he saw a dim outline of cringed person under some trees. He swallowed; he wasn't sure of what he would see. Russian boy slowly approached the person in front of him. In a faint light of near street lamp he saw how the pair of half-opened crimson eyes looked up at him.  
  
'Kai, come on. You can't stay here.' Red haired boy said as he squatted down next to blue haired one.  
  
The smaller boy was sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest and his head lying on knees. To Tala's terror he was trembling and his face was paler than usual.  
  
'Why do you do it to yourself, Kai?' Tala asked.  
  
Kai looked down at his knees. ' I don't know.' He mumbled. ' I want to end up all this escapes, but it always ends in failure.' He suddenly raised his eyes at Tala. ' Tala, please. Help me. If you are with me, I won't do it again, I swear.'  
  
~~Pick me up  
Been bleeding too long  
  
Right here, right now  
  
I'll stop it somehow~~  
  
Tala tried to hide a doubtful expression on his face and then he looked at Kai.  
  
' You don't believe me, do you?' Kai asked.  
  
Tala lowered his gaze. ' How can I believe you? After all these assurances and promises you have broken off?' he said with reproach. 'Anyway, you must come back. I will see you to your apartment. ' he stood up and reached his hand to help Kai. He had to take Kai's arm and slipped it over his shoulder to support blue haired boy from losing his balance.  
  
Tala sighed. 'It's always the same.' He thought as they set off. They were moving slowly because of Kai's unsteady step. After a while, the smaller boy started mumble under his breath. Tala wasn't surprised, as it was Kai's usual action after taking so many intoxicants or drugs. Tala supposed that this was sudden sense of guilt or some kind of remorse, he didn't know exactly.  
  
' Why I'm so naïve? I must stop it somehow. It can't recur again any more.' he said in a soft voice to himself. 'Yes, it must go away, it must leave me.' Suddenly he looked up at Tala and spoke more consciously. 'Listen Tala. There's the only one solution. I must get rid of these feelings.'  
  
~~I will make it go away  
  
Can't be here no more  
  
Seems this is the only way  
  
I will soon be gone  
  
These feelings will be gone  
These feelings will be gone~~  
  
'Which feelings?' Tala asked, obviously confused.  
  
'Tala, you perfectly know, that I have never confided in about my problems.' Kai said slowly. 'But now. I can't cope with this. I have the constant feeling of loneliness and being unwanted. Formerly, I didn't mind that, but now. It has changed.'  
  
Tala remained silent. They were slowly approaching the old, rotted building. This was a place, where Kai has stayed since the end of World Championship. His grandfather disowned him and gave him a small amount of money, which Kai needed to survive. The boy rent a room in the cheapest hotel in Moscow.  
  
'Your problem is.' Tala started uncertainly.  
  
'That I'm alone, Tala.' Kai finished for him. They stopped and he looked at the other boy. 'Everybody left me alone. My grandfather, the Blade-breakers. Humph, they all declared me their friendship and now? This is over.' He lowered his gaze. ' I tried to change myself, to become better, but it didn't help.'  
  
~~Now I see the times they change  
Leaving us, it seems so strange  
I am hoping I can find  
Where to leave my hurt behind  
All the shit I seem to take  
All alone I seem to break  
I have lived the best I can Does this make me not a man?~~  
  
They walked into Kai's room. It was small, with narrow bed in the one corner and old table with two chairs in the other. As the boys were inside, Kai collapsed at his bed and closed his eyes. Tala didn't disturb him, as he knew that bluenette needs some time to recover. Instead of it, he sat on chair. Red haired boy knew that he couldn't leave Kai alone in this moment. He remembered too well - what has happened when he had left Kai before his sobering up.  
  
~~Flashback~~  
  
Tala was running to the Kai's hotel. He had this strange feeling that something wrong had happened. He shouldn't allow Kai to stay alone after his 'escapes from the reality'. He rushed to the room - at the last moment. To his horror he saw how Kai was trying to slit his wrists.  
  
'What are you doing, you fool ?!' Tala couldn't refrain from yelling at Kai. He immediately jumped to him and snatched the knife from bluenette's hand. The other boy looked at him with astonishment.  
  
'Aren't it obvious?' he asked. 'I want to stop making problems and efface myself.'  
  
~~Shut me off  
  
I'm ready  
  
Heart stops  
I stand alone  
Can't be my own~~  
  
~~ End of flashback~~  
  
Tala sighed. Sometimes he hasn't strength and patience to Kai's actions. But he was the best friend of Tala. He felt responsibility for Kai. He stood up and approached to bed, where Kai was lying. After a moment of hesitation he sat next to the sleeping boy. Tala slowly grasped Kai's pale hand and slightly shook it.  
  
'Kai?' he whispered. 'Kai, can you hear me?'  
  
Bluenette moved slowly and looked up at Tala. 'Hmm.' he mumbled.  
  
'Do you remember what you told me outside?'  
  
Kai suddenly straightened up and gazed seriously at red haired boy. 'This is true, Tala. I have never been more serious than then. Is there any sense of life? Will I ever find a point of my existence? Tell me Tala.'  
  
~~Am I going to leave this place?  
What is it I'm hanging from?  
  
Is there nothing more to come?  
  
(Am I gonna leave this place?)  
Is it always black in space?  
Am I going take its place?  
Am I going to leave this race?  
(Am I going to leave this race?)  
I guess God's up in this place?  
What is it that I've become?  
Is there something more to come? (More to come)~~  
  
Tala closed his eyes and spoke slowly. 'Kai. You're looking for the understanding and support, but you don't even notice the closest friend sitting next to you.'  
  
Kai looked at him with a surprise and the small flash of happiness flicked in his eyes. Yes, he remembered. How he could be so blind and dazed? At last, that was Tala, who has taken care of him since the time of Voltaire leaving. He always was prepared to bringing comfort and help. He was the person, which was listening to his confessions. Yes, Kai wasn's alone. He had the wonderful friend.  
  
'Tala. That's true. Thank you.'  
  
##The End##  
  
**** I've changed ending of this story. Anyway, please leave your review. Maybe you have some ideas to continue it? I'm waiting for your opinion. And please don't flame me for my grammar mistakes^_^! **** 


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